Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Blog Post 12  7/10/12  8:23 pm


  That's it. Fuck love. I'm tired of seeing all these damn love posts and they broke my heart quotes or whatever. I am DONE! I am going to avoid it. No relationships. No nothing. My heart still hurts and is still scarred. I can't handle anymore. There is going to be a new me. You'll see some changes in me. I don't care anymore. My feelings have been held in way too long. Sorry. Had to let it out.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

6/9/12  9:25 pm  Blog Post 11

  Sorry for not posting. Well, today was work. Not looking forward to work tomorrow. I got asked out today by Daniel. He wanted to take me to the scottish festival tomorrow. I tried to get mom to let me go but she decided to work with me and have dad stay at home and work on the backyard.....typical. It's not that I have a  "date" honestly, if I went, I would have paid for my own ticket in cause i'm just  that person, I just want away from the family for a bit.

ON a good note! Next spring, momma is sending me to SCAD!! Savanna College of Art and Design!!!! I can not wait! I'll get to live on campus as well! AHH! So excited! Though on a funny note, i'm so tempted to say SCAB...if it were Savanna College of Art and Beauty. Hahaha how funny would that be?? "Hi, I go to SCAB!" Haaaa.



Wednesday, June 6, 2012

6/6/12  11:11pm   Blog Post 10

   Well. Today went from empty to happy. Thanks to my amazing best friend Jodie. She really knows how to make  my day so much better! Even if that means fighting over whose best friend is cooler, Masmie or Jassey haha. I'm so happy Jodie is my best friend. I know without her I would crash and burn!  I'm happy I am not feeling all grey right now. I see more tinychat/ skype calls with Jodie in the future! I can't  wait to see her this month!! It needs to hurry up.

Like the new layout???  Thank you! Jodie did the background. She did a fantastic job on it! Of course, I did the rest like the text color and whatnot..tiring stuff. :D


So, I'm thinking about changing my  wardrobe up a bit. I figured I have had the same style for ever, it's time for a change. I don't know what I want to do. Should I do clothes that fashionable and chic? Or dark and emo-ish? Maybe preppy---(HAHA)? Schoolgirl? Frilly? Who knows. Knowing me, it will be  a mixture. My dad calls me punky brewster. Apparently when he was a kid, there was this show punky brewster, she was like Junie B Jones but a cartoon. Always wore mix matched clothing. Guess we'll see wht I end up doing.

I can't wait for class to start again in a couple weeks. It needs to hurry up. I'm going through school withdraws.

I need to clean my room.. It's gotten kinda crazy. I have partially unppacked boxes and clothes everywhere. Maybe when it's not so hot in my room I will.

I know, I'm sorry for posting weird thoughts on here. I'm trying to make this post a little bit longer.

Well, I have nothing else to say! I think in a little while I'll head  on to bed. Good night world.

                         Jasmine ♥

6/6/12  3:45 pm  Blog Post 9

Hmm. I feel down today. I feel like I'm in a dark room today. Though it's nice and sunny outside, it feels like its dark and rainy. I wanna curl up in a ball, cry, and disappear. I know I'm not alone. I have Jodie. Curtis. Really the only two people who know and understand. Anyone else I don't have. Left me. Probably don't even give me a second thought. I've been forgotten. Like an old abandoned toy. I was probably fun to be with at first, but everyone went away and forgot. My own brother even. His wife doesn't let him even call us. I used to look up to him. I used to talk to him everyday. Now I feel he has left me. So, I feel even more alone.

I'm  tired. I have been depressed for seven ridiculous years. Yes, for a couple of those, I will admit, it went away for a  while. It came back obviously. I want  it to go away. It's my own fault I suppose. I don't know.

I'm trying to save money for a car. Maybe then, I can get a job, and get away from this for a while.

Well. I'm getting of. I'm on tinychat with Jodie and Js as and a bunch of other girls I don't know. Bye.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

6/5/12   10:13 pm Blog Post 8

  I know I posted not even an hour ago probably, but something has been on my mind and I figured I should write it down. It may seem stupid to you, but with my history its a big deal.

  So, it's about boys. Yeah your thinking" Oh god. Every Girl (or boy..) has that issue". Well, I have horrible luck. Lets go back to the 4th grade, Newport  News Va, in naval base housing.

These new people moved in next to where we lived. They had two sons, Derek and Ian. Well shortly after they moved in, I would go to visit Derek  and Ian while my parents would talk outside with their parents. After a few months, let's say Ian would start doing things. Now, my mother always told me if I was touched in any way inappropriate I should tell her and she would take care of it. Well I have this thing that no matter what I do or say I will make someone mad and I don't like it when someone is mad at me. So I never told her what Ian did to me then. Now, my mom had asked me once if things where going on cause I refused to go to his house once but I denied it and said no. Derek was my protector. I would rush to his room and he would let me watch tv in his room or play on his computer. But I always ended up back in Ian's room  cause he would find a way to get me in there. This continued till I moved after the 5th grade. Well when I was in 6th grade they visited us and Ian would do the same things again and one time for spring break and did it  again. Now, for seven to eight years, I never told anyone. Being sexually molested at that age and keeping it in isn't the best thing. I finally told my mom last August. Of course there wasn't anything she could do. She said she could have taken me to therapy then which honestly, probably could have helped me alot. Oh well.

Well, a few years ago right before I turned sixteen, I was talking to this guy. His name was Joe. He lived in Virginia and I in Georgia. We started a long distance relationship. Well after 3 months of being together I broke up with him cause I didn't enjoy the distance. Mom convinced me to go see him. well I did, we got back together. From time to time we would visit each other. Well, after a year and a half of being together, he got eally obsessive, verbally abusive, actualy was almost physically abusive, cheated on me with a slut, and was crazy.  He used to tell me he could kill people with a smile on his face. Scared the living shit out of me man.Well, after a while, I coulnd't take it anymore, so I broke up with him finally.  I would try to break up with him but he would cry like a freakin 5 year old begging for me to stay. Well, I finally was like whatever.

Then, there was Ryan.He was great at first. But, he would go to clubs (and we all know nothing goes well with that), he would flirt with other girls, he took me for granted,he was selfish, disrespectful, blah blah blah. I got tired of it all. So, I ended it.

Then I started talking to a  guy named Chris.I have liked this boy since I first met him in 2010. He was handsome, funny, great, sweet, everything. Well in March he said he would date me if I lived closer. So my heart leaped for joy. So we started talking. Well, sometime in April, I went to visit him for a week  in Alabama. I had a great time. Well, a few weeks ago, he told me he couldn't handle a long distance relationship....of course. Boy lead me on. Oh well. Boy had kissed me in front of his friends, held my hand, held me, bought me dinner.

I hate this. It seems my heart likes to be thrown around, be worn. I have scars. Some are still open. Some are barely healed. And mom wonders why I have an issue even talking to boys. I don't trust them. I can't. A guy Daniel likes me. I know. Mom knows. He is sweet. But. I don't think I can handle another relationship where I'll end up getting hurt. Again. I may not have been with a lot of guys, but I sure have been through a hell lot of hurt.

So, I have come to the conclusion, guys are ASSHOLES.


6/5/12  9:31 pm  Blog Post 7

  Well. Today was okay. I had a horrible headache. Finally went away. Didn't really do anything today. I played some guitar hero today for the first time in a year. Today went by pretty damn fast.

I posted a video on you tube earlier. Idid a cover song. Maroon 5's Misery. I was bored. I might do more videos later if I get an okay response.

I had a weird dream last night.But I don't remember it. Weird huh?

I'm on tinychat with Jas and Jodie. I haven't talked to Jas in a while. She got a haircut. Looks good on her. I wish I could pull of short hair and look good in it!

I'm on luminosity.com  right now. See if I need to exercise me brain haha.

Well, I'm off. Bye.


Monday, June 4, 2012

6/4/12  6:10 pm Blog Post 6

       Today is eck. I don't feel well today. Horrible headache . I took two pills for it and it isn't helping, I feel weak.. Every time I get up or pick something up I shake a little. I think I have a slight fever. I feel pretty warm.

  I was supposed to have class this week. Unfortunately due to financial reasons, I had to cancel. At least I have Opals in two weeks from my scholarship.

  I feel so empty today. Maybe it's because I'm sick. Maybe not.

Mom and dad went to Wal Mart to get groceries. So I'm here with my brother along waiting for the Twilight Saga New Moon to come on since there isn't anything else on to watch.

  My birthday is in a couple week.s We usually do the movie dinner or something to that extent. I wanna see the movie Abraham Lincoln The Vampire Slayer that comes out on my birthday, but my brother isn't fond of movies like that and I don't wanna deal with that on my birthday. So, I have no idea what I am going to do. There isn't really anything here. Might go to the rib house for my birthday dinner. I'm craving ribs. Or maybe a Chinese restaurant. Guess I'll know when the time gets closer.

Well, I'm done for now. The computer screen is hurting my eyes and making my headache worse.